The scene fades out to a large mountain, somewhere in Vermont. It appears to be about 2000 feet in height. At the base of the mountain, a wrestling ring has been set up, along with an announcers table in the snow. As it is rather warm in the Northeast, great expense seems to have been taken to set this up. The camera pans around, arriving at our table, where a giant blue fuzzy thing, a Blitzball player, and an Al Bhed sit, ready to bring you the action.

Wakka: Beautiful day out here, ya?

Biran: Today, SACRED MOUNT GAGAZET brings to you a contest between two men who loathe each other. Two men will battle on sacred mountain for the UWF Television Title. I am Biran Ronso, he is Wakka....

Rikku: And I'm Rikku! Pleased to meetcha!

Up in the ring, the frail, elderly maester stands..

Maester Mika: This contest, in the eyes of Yevon, is scheduled to be a Mt. Gagazet Death Match. Atop the mountain is the UWF Television Title. The first man to ascend the sacred mountain and take possession of the title is the rightful champion. And now....the participants...

"Wave of Mutilation" by The Pixies plays, on what sound system, we know not. Purposefully, the Television Champion of the Universal Wrestling Federation emerges, his valet Shiatsu at his side. He is violently cursing at his surroundings, as snow is getting all over him.

Maester Mika: Ladies and gentlemen...he hails from Hiroshima, Japan...stands 5'11", and weighs 223 lbs. He is the reigning, and defending, UWF Television Champion of the World......"THE DEVIL FROM THE DEEP BLUE SEA", accompanied by Shiatsu.......TSUNAMI ONI!

Oni seems none too pleased, as he steps into the ring, and begins beating snow off of his nice clean World Domination suit. Still, he seems quite confident, going so far as to spray his signature EVIL BLUE MIST~! into the air. He settles back into a corner, awaiting his adversary..

Maester Mika: And......his opponent!

"Otherworld" by Nobou Uematsu begins to rock the mountain. From a great distance, Seymour walks, dressed in a simple robe, no Aerith Heartilly at his side...just a man focused, on a hellacious mission..

Maester Mika: Standing 5'7"....and weighing 168 pounds. From the Sector 7 Slums in Midgar, the challenger this evening....."THE FINAL FANTASY" SEYMOUR......ALMASY!

Almasy wastes no time, as he slides in under the bottom rope, and charges Oni. Taking this as a signal, the timekeeper rings the bell.

DING DING DING!

Biran: Rules are simple. Match start in ring. Belt on top of Gagazet peak. Grab belt, win belt.

Wakka: Doesn't seem tough, ya?

Almasy's initial charge culminates in a clothesline, catching Tsunami under the chin, and sending him down hard. Almasy attempts an elbowdrop, but it is quickly evaded by Oni, who kips up to his feet, and sweeps Seymour's feet out from under him. He attempts an elbowdrop, but Seymour evades with a kip up. Seymour throws a high kick which is blocked, followed by Oni's kick, also blocked. Both men go into a back handspring, and get down into a fighting stance, as the crowd at the mountain applauds politely.

Rikku: They're feeling each other out, y'know?

Seymour feints a kick, and tackles Tsunami Oni to the ground. The Final Fantasy begins opening up with right and left hands, as Oni tries to guard his face. Seymour grabs one of the guard hands, and adjusts his position, locking Oni into a painful cross armbreaker.

Biran: Seymour smart. Trying to take away Oni's grabbing ability.

Oni rolls, managing to break Almasy's cross armbreaker, as he gets to his feet. Darting around Seymour, he goes for a belly to back suplex, but Seymour rotates with the move, landing on his feet. Tsunami turns, only to be met with a boot to the stomach and a DDT.

Wakka: Seymour's not happy. That Tsunami guy kidnapped his girlfriend, ya?

Biran: Yes.

Rikku: He's just a big meanie!

Wakka: Tsunami, ya?

Rikku: Of course!

Seymour picks Oni up back to his feet. As he sets up for a kick, Tsunami manages a low blow, driving his forearm into Seymour's nether regions.

Wakka: Right in the blitzballs, ya?

Biran: HORNLESS! HORNLESS!

Rikku: Why did I ever agree to do this?

Taking advantage of the low blow, Oni locks in a front facelock, taking his opponent over with a suplex. Tsunami begins walking for the ropes, to make his trek up the mountain, but Almasy catches him, and drags him back to the center of the ring.

Biran: Key is to beat opponent up in ring. THEN walk up mountain. Fast.

Wakka: Wow, you're a regular genius, ya?

Rather than respond, the Ronso smacks Wakka in the face, sending him to the ground, as Biran revels, mockingly.

Biran: Need new commentator, ya?

Oblivious to the goings on outside the ring, Seymour delivers a quick headbutt to the face of the UWF Television Champion. As he staggers, Seymour bounces off the far ropes, and clocks Oni in the head with a running elbow strike. Almasy quickly runs over to the turnbuckle, and leaps onto the top rope, in preparation for a moonsault. Unfortunately......he has taken too much time, as Oni leaps up to meet him, applying a three-quarter nelson...AND DELIVERING AN ACE CRUSHER OFF THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!

Crowd: PRAISE BE TO YEVON! PRAISE BE TO YEVON! PRAISE BE TO YEVON!

Rikku: That meanie!

Biran: Excellent move. May not like Oni, but respect you must.

Both men lie in the cold snow, Seymour the worse for wear, but Oni's body still haven fallen the same distance as Almasy's. The Tsunami is first to his feet, as Shiatsu passes him a snow shovel. Seymour makes it up to one knee, but gets SMACKED IN THE HEAD WITH THE SHOVEL! Almasy goes down once more, as Oni drops a leg across the back of Seymour's neck.

Rikku: Oooh! I HATE THAT MEANIE! I"M LEAVING!

Rikku stomps off, leaving Biran alone at the table. Oni lifts Seymour back up to his feet, and double-underhooks the challenger....

Biran: Here come Tsunami Driver!

No. Almasy fights it, backdropping Tsunami into the snow. Seymour follows up with a nice standing moonsault. Tsunami is still up quickly, but Seymour succeeds in a go-behind, and locks a sleeperhold on. Wrapping up the leg of Oni with his own, he drives Tsunami forward with a front Russian Leg Sweep!

Suddenly, the Blitzball Announcer runs out to the announce table..

Blitzball Announcer: THE LUNATIC PANDORA FROM SEYMOUR ALMASY! Hi everyone! I've been sent here to cover this with Biran Ronso since Wakka and Rikku are gone!

Biran: Why Biran?

Oni looks to be in trouble after Seymour's Lunatic Pandora. Almasy grabs the snow shovel from earlier, and steps up onto the ring apron. He runs, and dives off the apron, but misses in his effort to drive the metal shovel into Oni's skull. Oni rolls to his feet, and strikes the kneeling Seymour with a vicious shot to the temple. Oni maliciously grins, as he goes to get the announce table. Dragging it away from Blitzball man and Biran, he sets it up near the apron...

Blitzball Announcer: THAT GUY TOOK OUR TABLE?! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!

Biran: Stand.

Oni rolls Seymour onto the ring apron, and then stands himself. He uses his height advantage to leap up onto Seymour's shoulders, attempting a hurricanrana. However, Seymour doesn't let Tsunami rotate...

Biran: This not good...

Seymour runs, and elevates Seymour high with the powerbomb, before leaping off, AND DRIVING TSUNAMI ONI THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE WITH A RUNNING SITOUT LAST RIDE!

Blitzball Announcer: THE EMERALD WEAPON! TSUNAMI ONI JUST GOT MURDERED WITH THE EMERALD WEAPON!

Biran: Oni tough. Will survive.

Indeed, Oni shows signs of life in the wreckage of the table. Slowly but surely, he works his way to his feet. Seymour is waiting, however. He throws a right hand, but Oni blocks it, and uses the opportunity to spew..

Blitzball Announcer: EVIL BLUE MIST~!

...into the eyes of Almasy. Seymour gropes around blindly, as Tsunami Oni hooks another double-underhook, and this time succeeds in executing the...

Japanese Announcer: TSUNNAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIII DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Shiatsu looks on happily as the man who would rule the world begins putting the boots to The Final Fantasy. Oni picks him up, and executes a crisp belly to back suplex, dropping Seymour down hard on the table wreckage.

Biran: Seymour hit hard. May not recover......

Tsunami Oni slowly begins to stride through the snow, leaving the ringside area, and beginning to work his way up the labrinthine trail to the summit.

Biran: Now that Oni leave ring, we go to next commentators, Auron, Cid, Lulu. Take it.

Cid: asa jaed rjse klse!

Auron: My apologies. He is speaking in Al Bhed. What he meant to say was, "What a match we have had so far!"

Oni pauses, waving to the Sensation of Domination at ringside, as he turns to hike some more, but gets blindsided out of nowhere by Seymour Almasy. Almasy leaps, catching Tsunami with a quick bulldog, sending him down into the cold snow. Seymour smiles, pulling Oni up by his mask. He smiles, and paintbrushes Oni, before viciously ramming Tsunami face first into a rock formation.

Auron: Seymour is dangerous in this environment. Oni is the more evil of the two men, but it cannot be understated what Seymour fights for! He is fighting for Aerith Heartilly! He is fighting for what he believes in! He is fighting for!

Voice: Stow it!

Suddenly, a figure comes in, booting Lulu out of the picture.

Kefka: It is I , Kefka!

Auron: Just wonderful. Since when did this become a cross-video game match?

Kefka: Since I saw how much you commentators have been disparaging my fellow villain, Tsunami Oni. GO ONI! KICK HIM IN THE BALLS!

As if hearing Kefka, an injured Oni reaches down deep, driving his boot into Seymour's crotch. Almasy winces, and goes down hard. Tsunami gets back to his feet, and begins to fire blows into the now-blue face of Seymour. The Final Fantasy can withstand three blows to the face, before dropping to one knee. Oni turns around, firing a quick spinning back kick to the jaw. The kick opens a small gash on Seymour's head, as blood slowly begins to trickle from the cut...

Cid: (translated from Al Bhed): He's busted open!

Oni stops briefly, to do more cackling. After a good cackle, he steps back, clocking Seymour with a Shining Wizard to the forehead. The hard knee to the face hits home, widening the gash on Seymour's face, as the red of his blood intermingles with the blue mist, staining Seymour's face a dark purple. Almasy sits up defiantly, almost as if begging the UWF Television Champion to keep bringing it on...

Auron: Almasy is DEFYING the God of Television!

Kefka: Defiance does nothing! He shall be crushed before Oni's Light of Judgement!

Oni steps in, ready for another Shining Wizard. However, Almasy desperately manages to grab a fist full of snow, and launches the powdery white into Oni's face. The white stuff plugs the eyeholes of Oni's mask, allowing Seymour to regain his footing. Seymour locks him in a half nelson, and uses the free hand to lock in a choke, and takes him over in a suplex, sending Oni rolling ten feet down the mountain.

Auron: THE SHINRA SUPLEX SENDS ONI ROLLING ROLLING ROLLING!

Suddenly, the buzzing blades of a helicopter begin to whir over the mountain. Inside the helicopter is Shiatsu. From a height of about 200 feet, she drops the helicopter's payload. All sorts of odd objects begin to fall. Almasy begins to climb again, but he is met with a pot to the back of the head by Tsunami Oni!

Kefka: U'wee hee hee hee! The weapons are now in play!

The Television Champion discards the metal pot, as he looks around for new weaponry. He is delighted to find a kendo stick wrapped in nice sharp barbed wire. Oni quickly grasps hold of the weapon, as he swings for the fences. The weapon hits Seymour in the thigh. Oni yanks the weapon back, as pieces of flesh and attire coat it. Tsunami winds up, ready to deliver the killing blow to the head...

Cid: Oni's going to end this now with a knockout shot!

Auron: No! Someone stop this madman!

Oni's swing comes up empty. Almasy manages to recover, and snatch the kendo stick from Tsunami. Seymour swings hard for the gut, embedding the weapon in Oni's midsection. Seymour pulls it back, and raises the weapon to the throat of Tsunami Oni, using it to take him down with a Russian Leg Sweep!

Kefka: NO!!

Auron: Seymour Almasy has turned the tables on the TV Champ! The Final Fantasy needs to get higher up the mountain!

Seymour turns, and begins hiking farther up the trail. The peak is now in sight, about 100 yards off in the distance. The climb begins to take on a 30 degree angle, as debris continues to litter the path. Seymour grins, spotting a sword on the ground. He grins, and plants himself in the path, waiting for Oni to arrive.

Auron: Seymour Almasy is out for blood! We've never seen Seymour this aggressive before! He wants Aerith back, and he wants to pay Oni back for the hell he has been put through!

Kefka: No way! Tsunami Oni is one villain that does NOT lose! He is still undefeated here in UWF competition!

Oni is muttering to himself as he ascends the mountain. It is only out of the corner of his eye that he spots Seymour onrushing. Almasy catches Oni above the right eye with the hilt of the sword, but Seymour does not go down. Out of instinct, Oni swings wildly, catching Seymour in the bloodied chin, forcing him to drop the blade, as it lands sharp end up. Maliciously, Oni grins, executing a low blow....as he doubles Seymour over....

Auron: Holy crap......this is not good....the Devil From The Deep Blue Sea is lining up that sword's blade....

Kefka: YES! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A DECAPITATION HERE TONIGHT! THIS IS IT FOR SEYMOUR!

The double underhook is academic, as Oni delivers the DOWNFALL OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION ONTO THE BLADE OF THE SWORD! The Double Arm DDT spikes Seymour high on his head onto the sword, as he lies, motionless.

Cid: Dear God.......someone get the paramedics out here. AND GET ME SOME *((%^*$^*$# TEA!

Tsunami Oni cackles for the third time in the match, obviously thinking the walk up to retrieve his title to be a formality. As he turns to go, however, he hears a voice calling out to him.

"Tsunami..........come...........back......here....."

Sitting up in the snow, a sharp sword embedded into his skull, is Seymour Almasy. He yanks the blade out of his head in one motion, a plume of dark red blood flying out the wound. Seymour returns to his feet, and begins stalking Oni back up the hill. For perhaps the first time, a frightened look comes over Tsunami, as he attempts to back out, but is caught with a swing of the blade across the face. Tsunami reaches up, feeling the wound in shock, as he touches the tear in his mask..

Auron: Almasy returns the favor! This is just INSANE!

Seymour quickly fires his Bad Breath mist into the face of the TV Champion. Oni's mask shields him somewhat, enough to allow him to backdrop a charging Seymour into a large rock. Looking closer, the UWF Television Title sits atop the rock in a pile of snow. The rock, however, is ten feet tall, and not easy to climb. Oni slowly begins to make the ascent, carefully using natural handholds and footholds. Percieving Seymour's recovery, he leaps, somersaulting into the Dragonrana he calls the BUTTERFLY KNIFE!

Kefka: Seymour's been DESTROYED! The Downfall of Western Civilization! The Butterfly Knife! THIS IS ALL!

Indeed, Tsunami appears to have his TV Championship secured, as he ascends up the rock. He spots the title, mere inches away. It is in his grasp..but his evil nature will not let him walk away without inflicting more pain and punishment. He smiles, and leaps from his peak on the rock, executing a picture perfect somersault into a legdrop........which misses! Both Seymour and Tsunami lie on the ground, bodies broken and battered from the beating they have delivered to each other.

Auron: These two men have absolutely annihilated each other! They have laid one another to WASTE! They have-- WHAT NOW?!

A large blue furry creature enters the picture, carrying a long spear.

Cid: What's a Ronso doing here?!

Auron: Well, this IS Mt. Gagazet.....they DO kinda live here.

The Ronso walks across the path of the two men. Oni is the first man up, looking towards the peak......as the Ronso drives the back end of his spear into the back of Tsunami Oni's head! Oni collapses to the snow, face-first, as Seymour Almasy's bloodied form slowly crawls his way up the rock....

Kefka: NO! THAT DAMN FUZZY THING JUST SCREWED ONI OVER!

Seymour stretches out over the top of the rock, his hand grasping the Television Title, as a bell sounds in the arena, signalling the end of the bout.

Your Winner: Seymour Almasy

Time of Match: 20:34

Kefka: WHO THE HELL DOES THAT BLUE BASTARD THINK HE IS?!

The Ronso shrugs quizzically, and begins to pull the new Television Champion off of the rock. Slowly, it reaches up, and pulls off its face....it is a Ronso costume. The arena crowd roars, as Aerith Heartilly stands, unmasked, her arms gently around Seymour, as she attempts to help him regain his senses. We thus go back to the arena, a new UWF Television Champion having been crowned.